the-high-yellow-note asked: Dear you: this blog is both hilarious and full of win. Sincerely, Your newest stalke-ahem-follower.
Thank you for your kind words, madame.
You are also hilarious and full of win. :)
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Dear white people,
Stop wearing beige dresses.
Sincerely,
Me. -
Dear Peter Kent,
Justin Trudeau was right. You are a piece of shit.
From,
Me. -
Dear anonymous hater,
The internet isn’t actually serious business. Calm down.
From,
Me. -
Hey guy at party,
Jokes like “How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, feminists can’t change anything.” and “Want to hear a joke? Women’s rights.” aren’t funny.
So kindly shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.
Sincerely,
Me. -
Dear Mayor Rob Ford (and Doug Ford because you’re always fucking there),
I’d like to start this off by saying I do not like you. It’s not just because you’re an asshole, not because you don’t care about immigrants or the LGBT community, not because you keep talking about stopping the “gravy train” which is just fucking annoying, not because whenever I see your face or hear your voice I want to throw up. Actually, it’s all of those. And way too many more.
But I’m not here to tell you that you’re an asshole. Even though you fucking are.
I’m here to tell you that I do not give a shit about making the lake front look nice. Yep. No shits are being given about the lake front. Absolutely none. Zero. Zilch. I do not care about the world’s largest Ferris wheel because really? Why the fuck do we need a Ferris wheel? Are we trying to be London? I don’t give a fuck about the monorail either. Because seriously why? Are we Disney World? Why the fuck do we need a monorail?
You want to “stop the gravy train” and you’re getting a fucking Ferris wheel? I don’t not understand your logic.
You know what I give a fuck about? Libraries. I care about libraries. I care that you’re shutting down a fuck-ton of libraries. Because where the fuck are people supposed to get books? Sorry that we can’t all buy new ones, asshole. You know what I also care about? I care about transportation and child care. I care about emergency services, welfare, social housing, education, waste management, animal control and pretty much every other area of government that is not making the lake front look nice.
How the fuck is making the lake front look nice and cleaning up graffiti the most important things on your to-do list? Because I seriously don’t fucking get it. Is this all a cruel joke? Or are you just a fucking imbecile?
God, I don’t even live in Toronto and I want to punch you in the face.
Get your fucking shit together.
Sincerely,
Me. -
Dear creepy guys at McDonalds,
I know my friends and I are pretty fly. But staring at us and taking pictures while we’re eating chicken nuggets isn’t the way to woo us (or anyone for that matter).
Also, going out of your way to follow us in your car just to yell “hey ladies” is creepy as shit. You should probably cut that out.
Sincerely,
Me.
Ps. Fuck you. -
Dear Pottermore,
Send me my email please.
Forever waiting,
Me. -
Dear physics,
Why do you make no sense?
From,
Me. -
Dear Grey’s Anatomy,
Why do I continue to watch you?
Seriously though,
Me
